It really is amazing how your memory works sometimes. How that certain smell in the air, a song on the radio, a catch phrase that was used so often, the slightest touch or an old picture/video can seem to bring back that sharp stinging pain that has led you to be broken and bruised.
Heartbreak. Probably one of the worst, indescribable pains there is out there. The heart is easily broken, yet so difficult to put back together.
So this is my blog to you. Though you may never read this. I need to clear my head and put this down in writing somewhere. So here goes...
It's been a while. Definitely longer than I would have ever thought it would be. Yet, in the end, no matter how much I try and convince myself that I'm all better, that I'm fixed, that I'm not longer shattered and broken because of you - I realize that I'm lying to myself. I'm still broken. I'm still trying to figure out how to put my heart back together to the way it was before. But I know now - I know that I will never be the same again, but I can only be a better me, a new me - a me that I put back together by myself with bandages and super glue. A me that will never let you back in to rip off these bandages and melt the glue that is holding me together. I spent a lot of time blaming myself for everything that happened, thinking that I just wasn't good enough. But as more time passes, I realize that blaming myself is getting me no where. So I have accepted what has happened and in time, my wounds will heal. I don't need you in my life to heal these wounds anymore. Because I'm good without you. Thinking about what should have been, could have been or would have been is just a waste of my time at this point. I don't need you. We did create good memories together - but in the end, those memories will fade and only be replaced with the bad ones. And I can only hope that with more time, the bad ones will slowly fade. I can only wish that when that smell in the air comes around, that song on the radio comes on, that phrase that you and I said so often,is heard that slight touch or that picture/video comes around, that I'll be reminded of you, remember how I put myself back together again, became a stronger person alone, smile and go about the rest of my day without ever having to remember any of the pain. No more pain. No more tears. You are undeserving of doing any of that to me.. ever again. But until then, I'll wake up, slap a smile on my face and make it through another day. Time will continue to pass and my wounds will slowly heal - and I can only look forward to that day.
Heartbreak. Probably one of the worst, indescribable pains there is out there. The heart is easily broken, yet so difficult to put back together.
So this is my blog to you. Though you may never read this. I need to clear my head and put this down in writing somewhere. So here goes...
It's been a while. Definitely longer than I would have ever thought it would be. Yet, in the end, no matter how much I try and convince myself that I'm all better, that I'm fixed, that I'm not longer shattered and broken because of you - I realize that I'm lying to myself. I'm still broken. I'm still trying to figure out how to put my heart back together to the way it was before. But I know now - I know that I will never be the same again, but I can only be a better me, a new me - a me that I put back together by myself with bandages and super glue. A me that will never let you back in to rip off these bandages and melt the glue that is holding me together. I spent a lot of time blaming myself for everything that happened, thinking that I just wasn't good enough. But as more time passes, I realize that blaming myself is getting me no where. So I have accepted what has happened and in time, my wounds will heal. I don't need you in my life to heal these wounds anymore. Because I'm good without you. Thinking about what should have been, could have been or would have been is just a waste of my time at this point. I don't need you. We did create good memories together - but in the end, those memories will fade and only be replaced with the bad ones. And I can only hope that with more time, the bad ones will slowly fade. I can only wish that when that smell in the air comes around, that song on the radio comes on, that phrase that you and I said so often,is heard that slight touch or that picture/video comes around, that I'll be reminded of you, remember how I put myself back together again, became a stronger person alone, smile and go about the rest of my day without ever having to remember any of the pain. No more pain. No more tears. You are undeserving of doing any of that to me.. ever again. But until then, I'll wake up, slap a smile on my face and make it through another day. Time will continue to pass and my wounds will slowly heal - and I can only look forward to that day.
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