to my lovies...

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival."
-C.S Lewis


Love my girls. May things only get better for all of us.

love this.

what a classic old school hit.

Brian McKnight - The Only One For Me

you say you seen too many things
that turn out to be too good to be true
against your better judgement, opened up your heart
'til you found the joke was on you
looking out on the rest of our lives
if we're gonna be together or apart
about the only way i know how to come
is right straight from the heart

i want you now
i'll show you how
i can be the man you need me to be
i've been around
but now i've found
that you're the only one for me

say you'll never fall again
you won't subject yourself to such pain
if you give me a half a chance
i will never leave you standing out in the rain
but if you think that i could look you in your face
and lie right through my teeth
then turn around and walk away
cross my heart, girl i care for you
when i look in your eyes, i must say

i need you now
i'll show you how
i can be the man you need me to be
i've been around
but now i've found
that you're the only one for me
i need you so
i can't let go
gonna be all that i can be
i want you still
i always will
cause you're the only one for me


i swear. how can you not love someone who sings this crap to you? god. words are good. oh so very good.

a request for your mailing address.

It's funny. When you get that text or email to ask for your mailing address, it can only mean one of two things - marriage or baby.

Maybe it's just me, but it seriously feels like everyone and their moms are either getting married, having babies, or doing both at the same time. Have I really gotten to that age that this is the next step? I mean, I'm 25, but I still don't feel the need to do any of this. I feel like I'm just not emotionally, mentally or physically ready to do any of it just quite yet. Or maybe because the right person just hasn't come along to make all the things fall in the right place. Who knows. But whatever it is, it's absolutely insane how many people I know and are close with are getting married and having babies! Ah well, guess that's just how life goes.

So to all my wonderful friends and family who are getting engaged, married, making babies, having babies... CONGRATULATIONS!!! I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Now for the real question... what to wear to all these weddings... :)

LAKERS!!!

After reading several sports forum posts, NBA articles, etc, etc. I think I finally came cross one of the best forum posts ever. Hell yes. So here's to Game 7... I cannot wait to shut all the stupid Boston fans up! Victory and revenge will be so sweet. Perkins out too? Boston's got no chance! A sweet revenge from the 08 season is all I need to make me one happy gal!

"I’ve loved all the triumphant moments, for sure. The baby hook, 1985, Magic’s off-balance/one legged/leaning left bank shot that won a game, etc, etc. But, and this may sound strange, the memories/moments that I love the most are the ones that keep me hating the Celtics…Every time I think of the McHale clothesline, every replay of Don Nelson hitting that high bouncing jumper off the back heel, every Celtic fan whining about how 1986 isn’t the same because of the Lakers “choke job” against Houston (when Sampson hit that totally lucky volleyball set looking jumper), every excuse about how in 1987 McHale had a broken foot and everyone was injured so that title is less than worthy, every mention of how we wouldn’t have won in 2008 even with Bynum/Ariza, all the lunacy about how in 2009 they would have won with a healthy KG, how they still have the lead with 17, all the BS about leprechauns and the ghost of Red, all the back and forth I have with my friends who follow that repugnant team….man, just writing that got me ready for the season to start. I really, really don’t like them and every memory that reinforces that is a good one. Those memories just fuel me to dislike them more and root against them harder and savor every victory over them like it’s the only thing that ever mattered.

Like I said, I’ll always love those epic moments where being a fan is rewarded with it’s best reward – the vanquishing of a true rival. But those moments would mean nothing without the hate. So, the memories I love the most are the ones that keep those feelings alive. Keep ‘em coming Celtics fans, you make us thrashing you that much sweeter."

wake up, put a smile on your face and make it through the day.

It really is amazing how your memory works sometimes. How that certain smell in the air, a song on the radio, a catch phrase that was used so often, the slightest touch or an old picture/video can seem to bring back that sharp stinging pain that has led you to be broken and bruised.

Heartbreak. Probably one of the worst, indescribable pains there is out there. The heart is easily broken, yet so difficult to put back together.

So this is my blog to you. Though you may never read this. I need to clear my head and put this down in writing somewhere. So here goes...

It's been a while. Definitely longer than I would have ever thought it would be. Yet, in the end, no matter how much I try and convince myself that I'm all better, that I'm fixed, that I'm not longer shattered and broken because of you - I realize that I'm lying to myself. I'm still broken. I'm still trying to figure out how to put my heart back together to the way it was before. But I know now - I know that I will never be the same again, but I can only be a better me, a new me - a me that I put back together by myself with bandages and super glue. A me that will never let you back in to rip off these bandages and melt the glue that is holding me together. I spent a lot of time blaming myself for everything that happened, thinking that I just wasn't good enough. But as more time passes, I realize that blaming myself is getting me no where. So I have accepted what has happened and in time, my wounds will heal. I don't need you in my life to heal these wounds anymore. Because I'm good without you. Thinking about what should have been, could have been or would have been is just a waste of my time at this point. I don't need you. We did create good memories together - but in the end, those memories will fade and only be replaced with the bad ones. And I can only hope that with more time, the bad ones will slowly fade. I can only wish that when that smell in the air comes around, that song on the radio comes on, that phrase that you and I said so often,is heard that slight touch or that picture/video comes around, that I'll be reminded of you, remember how I put myself back together again, became a stronger person alone, smile and go about the rest of my day without ever having to remember any of the pain. No more pain. No more tears. You are undeserving of doing any of that to me.. ever again. But until then, I'll wake up, slap a smile on my face and make it through another day. Time will continue to pass and my wounds will slowly heal - and I can only look forward to that day.

a much needed update.

I have been good. I've been relatively a little more motivated to actually make some major dents on my goals list and I actually did this time. I'm pretty proud of myself. :) So here goes.

2. Buy myself a new pocket-size digital camera

Oh, this I did. I spent a lot of time researching different types of pocket-size cameras for myself, since the one I had bought about 4 years ago is a complete mess now. It has been dropped several times, mainly due to too many drunken nights. That's okay though - it left me with memories. However, that camera is not going away, it will be used solely for nights that I'm sure it will meet the floor. Either way, I was due for a new camera... so after some research and talking to my dad (who is a camera genius), we decided on the Canon S90. Oh yes, BEST purchase ever. It is literally like a mini version of my SLR (that I'm still learning to use, haha). This little camera is portable, takes great quality pictures, has a lot of functions to play around with and was well worth the money I spent on it. That, and my aunt helped me pay for a little bit of it as my birthday present. I got a little lucky. :)
6. Eat at Serendipity (in New York) - NOW LAS VEGAS!

So originally, when I made this goal, all I wanted to do was try a Frozen Hot Chocolate at Serendipity in New York. Probably because of that horrible movie Serendipity, that came out back in the day. Anyway, I knew they were opening up one in Vegas. I had tried several times to go there in the past - but failed each time. It was never open! Either way, I went this past weekend while I was in Sin City, and it was finally open! Yay! After reading the menu and history on the place, it is the same exact thing, they just only have a few locations. Not quite sure why I thought any different. Either way, I decided to change the goal to just eating at Serendipity in general.. since it's the same stuff. Oh, and it was deeeelicious! Peace. Love. Serendipity.



29. Eat at a 3 Michelin Star Restaurant

This was by far one of my most exciting goals. Good food? Yes, please! So as a 5 times celebration dinner with my family, we decided to go all out and splurge on a 3 Michelin Star Restaurant, Joel Robuchon. And holy crap, it was mighty delicious. I have been to 1 and 2 Michelin Stars restaurants before, but never a 3. It was quite the experience. We did a 5 time celebration dinner for this one (my parents' anniversary - 31 years, my 25th birthday, my brother's 30th birthday, and then Mother's Day for my momma and Elaine). It was quite the meal. Unfortunately, we had to split up the days we had dinner, since we brought the little munchkin Cara with us. So I had dinner Friday night with my brother and Elaine while my parents had their little anniversary dinner the following night. It was a little sad that we didn't get to all each together, but still, definitely an experience of a lifetime. I can only hope to make enough money to keep splurging on great meals like this.

So we decided hell, we were at a 3 Michelin Star Restaurant! How often does this happen? We splurged and got the 16 Course Taster Menu. Yes, I said it - 16 courses! BAM! BRING IT ON. I think I spoke too soon though. After about course 5 or 6.. I was about to explode. My stomach just can't handle that much food. FAIL. However, you have to do what you have to do when you're in a position like that. So what did I do? Kept on eating. I'm a champ. 16 courses down and a glass of wine. I felt pleasantly disgusting after I finished. Being that full should not be legal. Besides the fullness part, the food was great - combination of flavors were creative, presentation of food was amazing, service was outstanding, and well, it was just great. I was pretty happy birthday girl at the end of the meal. Although, all that food intake did make me go a little loopy during the gambling session we had afterward. Ah well, can't win everything.



30. Go to Magic Mountain

I don't think I've gone to Six Flags Magic Mountain since the original X came out - back when I was in high school still? Either way, it's been a while. The day after Christie's birthday celebration, the girls and I all decided that we wanted to ride RIDES. Real rides, big girl rides. So we did. Amazingly, none of us were really hungover from the night before - that had to be a sign right? Sunday late morning rolled around, and the 6 of us - Carol, Jenny, Nik, Cee, Jason and I all headed to MORE FLAGS, MORE FUN! We got to the park around 1pm and only lasted until about 6pm before we all wanted to die. Even with all the heat and craziness of rides, I still had a good time, an exhausting good time. We rode X2, which I seriously thought could not be any different than the original X. I was wrong, oh so very wrong. It was horrible. I mean, it was good... but it was scary. I have never felt sick or had my hands tremble after a rollercoaster in my life. X2? Yeah. Things changed. I did not get to ride Tatsu. I always seem to miss out on that one. Hopefully one day. So Cee's post birthday bash celebration at Six Flags accomplished another one on my goals list. Thanks Cee!
61. Get rid of bad juju - old residual things

Well, this has a long story to it, that for those that know me, know exactly what I'm talking about. For those that don't know? Well, it's better that you probably don't know. Either way, this has been a long time coming. I have waited several years to finally get rid of some of the mistakes that I have made in the past. It's definitely been a long time. I have paid for mistakes made when I was young for a very long time, and finally, the last of it is finally on its way out of my life. It's been a long time, a horrible way to have a lesson learned - but definitely was a lesson learned. It's crazy that no matter all the mistakes you make in your life, regardless of how stupidly enormous they are or the amount of mistakes one person can make with a few decisions, family seems to always be there. With the things that I have done, I am lucky to have a loving and supportive family. Through everything - they were there to help me, guide me back to the path that I was meant to walk on and pick up the pieces when other people shatter them. I have the best family in the world. While I'm being all sentimental and mushy, with this goal of getting rid of old residual things - besides my family, I would have to take my best friend into this one too. Well, she is pretty much family anyway.
Carol Lee - You were there through all my mistakes, watched me make them, gave me your opinion but let me go my own way, and even though you might not have agreed with my decisions at the time, you were always there for me. I love you for that. I am lucky to have you as my friend. For sure, you were a huge part of the reason that I was able to find all the the scattered pieces in putting myself back together.
Enough of that crap now. So yes, old residual things are all on its way out of my life! GOODBYE BAD JUJU! :) Oh, and in case you were wondering, I didn't murder anyone or anything crazy along those lines. Geez.


That's all the updates that have been going on. Now to do more damage on my list! :)

hello accomplishments!

I'm getting pretty pumped for my Goals List. I just want to finish them all now! Although, some will take longer than others. Either way, here are some of the things that I've completed! Yay!

27. Move out!

Finally! About two weeks ago, I finally moved into my apartment and I LOVE it. I have two fabulous roommates, although one hasn't moved in quite yet, she's getting there. Our apartment is huge and I love my room, especially my closet! :) It's nice to finally be able to have a place to call my own. Plus, our pool is fabulous! It was a little weird the first few nights, just being away from home and my family, but it's definitely better now. It's nice to know that I still live fairly close to home, so I can go home whenever I want. That, I love also.


50. Take a class at the gym

Yes. Class turned into CLASSES! This past weekend, my sister-in-law, Elaine and I went to the 24-Hour Fitness in Chino Hills and went to not one, but TWO classes. Yes, two. We went to the Step Jam 24 class on Saturday morning at 10am. It was surprisingly packed. What a workout too! I think I overdid myself a little bit. This was technically supposed to be my "active recovery" day from working out. I didn't think the class would be too bad, so I put two steps on mine. I looked around the room before class started and realized only one other person had two steps. I got a little bit nervous, but figured, hey, what the heck. About 10 minutes into class, I looked over at Elaine and said, "Never again will I use 2 steps!" Holy crap, that class is a wee bit more challenging than I was expecting. Plus, the whole coordination thing? Yeah, need to work on that. But still, fun times with the sis-in-law. Anyway, after Saturday's class, Elaine and I definitely wanted to try Turbo Kickboxing on Sunday at 8:30am. And that, we did. We both figured an 8:30am class on Sunday morning would be empty. Was it? Hell no. It was more packed than the step class on Saturday. I guess people just love this class. I definitely saw why about 2 minutes into the class. Turbo Kickboxing is like regular kickboxing on crack! It is some intense stuff. Although, I must say, great class and a great workout. I want to go back again! I love it!

52. Clean my closet and donate all old clothes and shoes

I guess this has been one thing that I have been putting off for ummmmm, months. I have definitely procrastinated with this for several reasons. 1. I don't like parting ways with old clothes and shoes and I like to convince myself that yes, I will wear these again some day. 2. I get lazy and I have a lot of clothes and shoes. Either way, with the whole moving thing, I had to go through all my clothes and shoes to see what I wanted to bring to the apartment. With that, I figured, I might as well go through all of my old clothes and shoes while I'm at it, and donate things. It took a long time, a few days actually, for me to figure out what I wanted to keep and what I wanted to donate. However, after many hours contemplating if I would really wear this shirt or those shoes again, I finally gave a lot of my clothes away and some shoes away. There are shoes that are in the garage on the racks that I haven't gone through, but hey, the goal was "in my closet," which is now complete. :)


60. Spend a lot of time with my niece

This is a ridiculously easy goal. Even though I still have like 2 years to finish this goal, it is not difficult at all. I see my niece, Cara, about 3-4 times a week. How can I not? She is the most adorable thing in the world and I can't get enough of her! You may call it pathetic, but it's not to me. If I don't see Cara for two days, I start to terribly miss her and I have to see her. So I will. Either my brother will bring Cara somewhere or I'll go over to their place to visit her and play with her for a little bit. Cara always brightens up my day with her little chubby cheeks and her big ol' eyes. I can't wait until she gets older and can actually start walking and talking. She is finally starting to get some reaction towards thing, like laughing and smiling. It's adorable. It's going to be so exciting when it is consistent. I can't wait! I love my little niece.

here is a little collage of a few of my favorites of my little one, cara.

So that would be the most recent accomplished goals. Hopefully the list will be done before the full 1,001 days! I'm being too optimistic, I know.